New Years Resolutions
It’s that time of year again!
The time for self-reflection and when we ask ourselves, “How am I going to become a better version of myself in 2023?”
You tell yourself that you are going to start eating healthier, you’re going to start going to the gym, you’re going to find a therapist and so many more New Year’s Resolutions that you swear to yourself you are going to accomplish. You believe that this year is going to be your year and while that very might so be true, what winds up happening with these “traditional” New Years resolutions, is the tale as old as a time, & that New Year’s resolution gets dropped or forgotten about before Valentine’s Day. We know it happens every single year, yet we continue with this tradition hoping that each time the New Year rolls around that “this year” will be different.
So how do we make this year different? Whenever we work with our clients on goal setting there are a few key factors that everyone should keep in mind.
Measurability
The truth of the matter is that our perspective when setting our goals matters tremendously. Let’s look at an example. Let’s say you want to run a marathon by a certain date. Great goal! You might think, “I am going to run the marathon in August.” Whether you have run a marathon or not, we can all agree that this is not something that you wake up and decide to do that day. This takes time, training, and discipline. That is where focusing on measurability comes into play. Ask yourself, “What qualities does a marathon runner possess,” and “What will I do daily, weekly, and monthly in order to be prepared to achieve this goal?” The same applies to goals surrounding mental health needs. Instead of saying, “I am going to improve my self-care,” ask yourself what are the measurable steps you need to take to improve your self-care. Start by identifying your own needs, things you are already doing to meet those needs if there are healthier alternatives, and so on.
Achievability
Anytime you are setting a goal or resolution, it’s important to make sure that it is realistic and achievable. I know this sounds like common sense, but too often I see people setting unrealistic goals and expectations for themselves and for others. This will set you up for failure every single time! Let’s come back to our marathon example. If you wake up on January 1st and decide you want to run a marathon in March I would encourage you to ask yourself how realistic this is. Have you been training for an extended period of time? Have you run a marathon before and know what to expect of your body? If you answered yes then perhaps you’re ready! If you answered no, then it would definitely be wise to consider how you can change your goal to make it more achievable. Coming back to our self-care goal, if you decide that one of your goals is going to be, “My parents will stop disrespecting my boundaries so that I can be happier,” you are also setting yourself up for failure. You cannot control others, you can only control and focus on yourself. Reframing this goal might look like this, “I am going to focus on self-respect, which includes holding myself accountable to making healthier choices for myself when someone violates my boundaries.”
Desirability
You have to set goals that you actually want to accomplish! I cannot stress this enough. If you don’t want to start going to the gym but feel the social pressure to go, then you’re not going to go. If you don’t want to cut someone out of your life who doesn’t treat you well, then you won’t. No matter how healthy a goal may seem or how good our intentions may be about something, if we don’t have the desire to do what we need to do to achieve it, then it will not happen. If you hate running, don’t set a goal to run a marathon. There are plenty of other forms of physical activity that you can try and I’m sure you can find one that you will enjoy and actually want to take part in! If you want to set goals for self-care, ask yourself what you need and then find healthy and desirable ways to meet them. No one says you have to start waking up at 5 am to meditate, journal, work out, make breakfast and then start your day. If you have no desire to wake up at 5 am and don’t have to, don’t.
If you find yourself in need of support or even an accountability partner/coach, we’ve got you covered!
